Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
there's paper in my vomit.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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