if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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