Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
