Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
