Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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