if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
