i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
