she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
