Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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