im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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