dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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