he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
