Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
