just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
