Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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