I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
