I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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