if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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