go do what you do best...puke behind churches
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
