i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
