Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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