I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize