it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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