i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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