My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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