i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize