I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
