omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
