People in love make me want to vomit
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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