You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
