I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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