How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
