Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
