you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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