Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
