Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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