Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
