you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
