they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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