she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
