we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
did i just pee glitter
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
