My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize