So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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