I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
