Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Someone signed my nipple.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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