I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
