I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
