OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
