Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
