i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
