It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
