Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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