worst night to have a conscience
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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