Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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