Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize