i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize