So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
