I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Sober January is a disaster.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
