Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
