Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I lost the right to judge tonight
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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