My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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