Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
