First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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