Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
