wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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