I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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