Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
